A Delicate Balance
by goldenqueenx
Summary: Regina falls into the roles she has been thrust into as of late. Now, at such a young age, she is a Mother, a wife and most importantly a Queen with duties that reach far beyond looking poised. Her choice, the one she had made for herself, was to now also be an apprentice to the most feared man in all the land. / Prompt via tumblr.


Prompted by write-your-destiny-blog on tumblr.

Summary: Regina falls into the roles she has been thrust into as of late. Now, at such a young age, she is a Mother, a wife and most importantly a Queen with duties that reach far beyond looking poised. Her choice, the one she had made for herself, was to now also be an apprentice to the most feared man in all the land. Set after Regina accepts Rumple's offer, as well as after she has married the King.

Note: Sorry it took me a bit to get this one out to you! I hope you like it! Thank you for the prompt, honestly I love writing for young Regina so much that this was a huge joy to create. I feel like there are so many layers to her and to her emotions or how she sees things, so if you ever want a different take on the matters of her life at any specific time, let me know and I'll be happy to work on something for it!

Rated: M.

WARNING: There are flashbacks/mentions at the measures that her mother would take that Regina did not like. As well as a clear reaction from Regina whom is clearly bothered by such measures.

* * *

The young Queen was laying in her large bed, eyes focused on the canopy above her head. Noting the shift in the fabric upon the slight gust of wind that shot through her chambers from the balcony. In some ways she wished the wind would whisk her and the bed away to a place where she would no longer be living in the dream that her Mother had for her and instead could start over as someone new, anyone new — preferably a place with her deceased beau Daniel.

"Are you awake?" The voice echoed back to the young Queen from a cracked door, Snow was poking her head through the barrier and glancing in the direction where Regina was laying. "Regina?"

She had contained her anger for the girl for so long and that wasn't who she wished to be. Hadn't she rid herself of her mother for the very reason of wanting to choke the life out of the child? No, she had done that for many more reasons that had nothing to do with the young girl who had captured the heart of the king and kingdom, regardless of the Queen. Fairest of them all; they called her.

Calm down; She chastised herself for being jealous of someone so young who in no way deserved such hatred.

 _The munchkin cost Daniel his life_ ; a dark voice reminded her in the depths of her mind. The voice sounded like her mother. And even though she knew her mother would probably be capable of such a thing, she quickly pushed it away due to the fact that she was somewhere that would make the task completely useless.

"Yes." Finally, she answered the child before pushing herself up to sit against the headboard of her bed, head turning in the direction of Snow who, upon seeing her, bounded towards the bed at a sprint and leaped onto the feather stuffed bed with a giggle. Clearly she was happy having a new mother who cared enough to save her from dying on a horse.

 _I should have let her die_ ; the words she had spoken to her mother before her wedding day came floating the surface in a voice that was darker and angrier than her usual tone.

"What should we do today?" She asked as she hopped into a seated position, knowing that Regina wouldn't scold her to be proper like her governess liked to do so frequently. "We could take Rocinante out and go into the wood where you said that the witch lives that eats children. We could conquer her and bring her back to our dungeons. Teach her right."

"That sounds like a more than pleasant idea. But we wouldn't want to send your father into a worry just because you're feeling rather gallant this morn." Reaching out, Regina cupped the child's face in her hands and instead posed a different idea that surely wouldn't cause her to be late for her lesson with Rumplestiltskin. "The royal gardener has said we have somehow magically acquired gnomes who like to steal our flowers. Shall we go try to find them and pose some treaty so that they stop ruining our gardens?"

"That would fun!" Snow squealed and wrapped Regina up in a tight embrace, head nuzzled against the area where she could hear Regina's heart beat loud in her ear. "I'm so glad you're taking care of me, Regina. I mean, Mom." Snow refused to call her Mother for that had been reserved, in her mind, for her biological one and yet Mom still felt as if it caught in her throat before coming out, but she liked to believe her Mother wouldn't mind her calling Regina Mom, since she had saved her life after all.

Snow White did not know of the history between her Mother and Regina's, she also did not know of the issues boiling inside of the young Queen after having betrayed her trust.

When she released Regina, she quickly leaped off of the bed and bounded out into the hall to head for her room so that she could put on a dress her governess had laid out for the day.

"My Queen?" Her chambermaid poked her head into the room and gave the half open door a look of contempt before glancing in the direction of the young monarch.

"Snow White decided to pay me a visit this morn. We're going looking for gnomes." The idea was childish, that much she knew, but most of the kingdom had indeed seen gnomes on more than one occasion, so none would tell her the notion was silly — not like her mother would have done had she been here.

 _Childish notions are for the youth, Regina, you are far too regal to dally in such things. A Queen does not chase after creatures, she holds her poise and allows someone else to handle the problem._

Shaking her head as if she could knock the voice of her mother out of it, she then pushed herself onto her feet and watched the chambermaid close the door with a soft smile on her face. "Have you decided what you will wear this morn? Morris (the gardener); he said that the weather is fair, the sun shines as if it is blessing the Kingdom after your night. Do you feel any different, possibly tired?"

The King had called upon her last night, having visited her bedchamber in an attempt to put a son into her womb. This had been the fourth night he had done so — since their wedding night seeing as she was not yet with child thus far and Regina wondered if it were her fault. As his wife, it is her duty to bare him a child, regardless of the sex of it. It could be another girl, anything, so long as she found herself with swollen belly sooner rather than later.

Fear spread through her frame, causing a light tremble. The notion of being proven useless in the eyes of the kingdom, giving them more reason to despise her, shot through her as if she had been run through with a sword. All her life she had sought the approval of her mother and now she craved it from the king and his kingdom. She didn't want this, any of it, her mother had made her—

"Oh dear, My Queen, I did not wish to upset you." Tessa stated upon seeing the shambles Regina had slowly been reduced to after her words. Quickly, Tessa pulled the curtains and set to testing the tub of hot water sitting in the middle of the room that the servants had filled to the brim. She laid down a white cloth into the water which was made of cotton with small pieces of led sown into the edges as to make sure it did not move and catch the Queen unawares by allowing her skin to feel the bottom of the warm tub, then made her way over the Queen. "This should help soothe those nerves and your muscles."

The young chambermaid was older than Regina even and yet she felt the need to protect her from the anxiety coursing through her frame at being a Queen. She allowed her to pulled her chemise over her head and then place a cotton one onto her frame for bathing, with the same small pieces of led sown into the hem as to keep the fabric from floating up or dancing about to cause her modesty to take a blow. Even if the chambermaid had seen her in nothing but bare skin, she knew the reasons for this was that she would have to entertain someone while in her bath. With the help of Tessa, she stepped into the warmth of the water and emerged most of her body within it.

Tessa took to checking the fire in the hearth before turning back to the Queen and settling in beside of her. Lifting a soap ball and cloth to hand it to her. Regina took it and gave the ball a sniff. They usually contained spices and herbs mixed in to help ensure that the soap lasted longer and added properties for it for various uses. The second she dipped the soap and cloth into the water, the door to her bedchamber burst open and she watched as Tessa took the edges of the fabric draped inside and over to pull from one side to the other, covering the area in which her breasts were immersed. "Yes?" Regina asked as the sight of a maiden came into view, a platter with pomegranates on it coming to rest beside of the wash basin before the young girl gave a chivalrous nod, averting her eyes from meeting the Queen before stating-

"The King wishes you to indulge in the fruit that will help to bare him an heir."

"Of course. Please tell him that I will gladly enjoy it as it is my favorite fruit of all." She was lying, the apple was her favorite, but the King needn't know that. "Thank you, you may take your leave." With that the girl walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

"The cotton is thick enough to insure my modesty, you can remove this." Regina stated, watching as Tessa gave a nod and pulled the fabric back to the tub. "And I highly doubt any male will visit me while I am bathing unless it is the King, which is my husband and I do not mind him seeing me in such a state." Even if he wouldn't notice her standing stark naked in the middle of her chambers; pushing the thought away, she took to lathering up the cloth and bringing to to her skin beneath her fabric — all the while allowing the soap to mix in the warm water so as to keep a nice aroma on her skin lingering after the bath.

Tessa moved around to where the tray had been left and began picking at the fruit with the spoon, lifting it to the mouth of the Queen and slowly feeding it to her. "With this, he will no doubt call upon you this morn. Though a rare occasion during daylight, he must have taken head from the practitioner. It would be wise to eat as much as you can before he comes in here." Regina nodded and allowed the chambermaid to continue with feeding her while she finished up her bath.

The pomegranates were long gone as she laid back against the basin, allowing the fire in the hearth to continue heating it along with the water as she soaked. The second her door opened, Regina tilted her head in the direction and caught sight of her King, her husband.

"Tessa." He gestured for the young woman to leave them alone, so did as he bid and left with the empty tray in hand. Upon catching sight of it, he beamed. "I cannot thank you enough for allowing me the opportunity to help guide you in the means of this." And with that Regina stood, allowing him to take in her visage before noticing he averted his eyes. "I did not call upon you for that, my wife."

Heat spread along Regina's cheeks as she stumbled from the bath and reached instead for her dressing gown, pulling it on over the soaked garment. She allowed silence to settle in the air as she righted her appearance, thrusting her long dark locks behind her back. Clearing her throat, she watched as his eyes found her once again, this time with something she couldn't quite discern dancing behind them.

"I will be going away for longer than a fortnight. The guards will see to it that the castle is kept safe as I make my rounds to the kingdom, showing my face where it needs shown and promoting my cause. Snow will accompany me, we will be leaving in a minute or two.."

"Allow me to dress and I will be down. I will instruct Tessa on what to pack while I do so." She wanted a smile to form on his lips, wanting any type of acknowledgement and yet instead he lifted a hand in her direction. When Regina stepped forward to take it into her hand, he instead lowered it to his side. A ghost, that's what she saw behind his eyes. The ghost of his dead wife.

"There is no need, we will be leaving without you. The kingdom has yet to come to terms with the new marriage. But as soon as you have my heir in your womb, they will open their hearts to you. I just know it." At least he was trying, Regina could give him that much and yet — his seed would not quicken within her.

"Have a pleasant venture and do come back to me in one piece. The both of you." The words of a wife, of a Queen and yet they meant nothing to her as she spoke them. In some ways, that voice in her head wanted ill will to become of the two as they rode through the villages together — but no; thar wasn't her — she tried to remind herself.

With the nod of his head, he turned and left through the door of which he had come and Regina felt the chill of the room hit her in one mean gust of wind. No hunting for gnomes today, she realized as she slipped her dressing gown from her shoulders and slunk back into the basin of water that was soon becoming colder — much like the organ beating beneath her chest.

—

"Is Rocinante ready?" She asked Luka, the young stable boy who just nervously gave a nod, eyes glancing over the riding attire that in no way befit a Queen. And yet, she just gave a huff of annoyance and then mounted her beautiful and trusted steed. Leaning forward, she gave Rocinante a stroke along the length of his nose, other hand gripping at the reigns. Giving him a little encouragement with a tap of her feet and a slight tsk tsk from her lips, she allowed her muscles to relax as much as they could as her best friend set off on a trot soon to be followed by a gallop.

The breeze whipped through her locks, threatening to rip them from the tight braid she had pulled them into after her bath. Luckily, the day continued to shine just as beautifully as her hair dried and she took to exploring the castle, only to find herself miserable within an hour and instead took to reading a book that ended horribly and in no way satiated her need to feel something other than disappointment.

Now, as the sun was slowly making it's way down in the sky, she set out for the one person who she hoped would bring control back into her life in one way or another. And possibly help stave off the anger building inside of her frame regardless of him saying the simmering rage within her was what would help her in means of magic and wielding it.

The Dark Castle came into view sooner than she thought it would as she pushed Rocinante further to their destination. It was large and beautiful regardless of the vines or moss forming on the stone or few boarded up windows here and there. It towered high above the courtyard, large stone walls with what seemed to be so much space within, if the outside was anything to give way to that. The plants, grass surrounding the place seemed to be dying — all a faded green, fall colors sweeping the shrubs and trees into a look of decomposition. Rocinante huffed as he slowed to a trot along the pathway to the door, eyeing the grass with what looked to be distaste and she almost cackled. This is the first time they were to meet at his home and she couldn't seem to settle the nervous feeling in her stomach.

Dismounting, she gave the courtyard a once over again, eyes flicking from one dying plant to the other, wanting nothing more than to see all of them flourish like they do at her castle. "To dally on your first day at my castle. Tsk, tsk, tsk." Swiftly, she turned to face the man that the voice came from, eyes wide as a doe as she straightened out her riding clothes.

"I-I'm sorry, I thought you were—" The breath in her throat caught as he held up a hand and began to slowly move towards her, one foot at a time, a pace even slower than the organ beating within her chest. Once he was close enough, the same hand that was in the air went to Rocinante's mane and gave him a stroke or two for good measure. Regina let a sigh release from her lips as she watched such an intriguing man as himself soothe her horse. And that was what he did, soothe him. For Rocinante did not put up a fuss nor did he whinny or push the hand away, no, her timid baby accepted Rumplestiltskin as if his hand were Regina's own. "That is amazing. He does not usually take to strangers well."

"Does he not?" He tilted his head in the direction of his pupil, a knowing smirk etching along his lips as he watched her nod to him, giving him an answer to his question — but he had many many more for this youthful Queen. Removing his hand from the beast, he walked ever closer to where Regina stood, noting how she kept her ground and did not move backwards regardless of him doing as he loved to do so often; push boundaries. He could smell her now, the scent of herbs and some sort of fruit...was that apple?...wafting off of her with the wind as it blew across her skin and through her messy braid. A giggle bubbled up from his chest as he remembered a strand of the future he had glimpsed and he couldn't help but let out the giddy reaction to such an ironic scent. "Are you ready, Regina?" Ready to accept more of my knowledge, more of my temptation, more of everything just to claim your revenge. I will have my monster. He knew she still harbored silly notions such as bringing her Daniel back to life and yet — he would squash them...in time.

"I think so." She spoke, her voice soft as she watched his brows shoot up on his forehead and she quickly assessed the situation, her voice coming out more confident now as she added to it, hoping to cancel out what she had said seconds before. "Yes. Yes, I am." He brought his hands to her shoulders and whirled her around so that he back was facing him, extending a hand out and allowing her eyes to follow where he was directing her gaze. "What am I to do?"

"Isn't it obvious, dearie?" He asked, voice light and mocking as he kept one of his hands still on her shoulder. Taking another step closer, he allowed the lapels of his coat to brush the leather of her waistcoat just slightly before he spoke again, this time closer to her ear. "Bring it back to life."

"Bring what back to life?" She asked, tilting her head towards where his was — very close to her face.

"Mmm, well all of it." With a grimace, he stepped back and removed his hand from her shoulder, breaking the contact and reassurance he knew that she craved. "Focus your energy, imagine—imagine the lush gardens at the royal court and how green they are. Then I want you to use that simmering rage at how beautiful your kingdom is while others suffer in mud strewn hovels and your king, your husband does nothing to help them."

"How do you-"

"You are very soft as of now, Regina." He refused to call her a Queen, at least until she had become the Queen that everyone deserved to fear. "So this, this touches you. Causes that-" He placed a finger near her chest without touching it, hovering the digit over where her heart beat beneath cloth and skin and a cage of ribs. "-to feel something like guilt or pity... Even if they hate you from the very depths of their soul." There it was, that glint in her eyes that could cause the devil to—oh what a filthy filthy thought; Rumple chastised himself.

She focused on a shrub in the distance, hand coming up in hopes it would help as she tried to will the energy inside of her body out and towards the tree. The brunette thought of the peasants and their hovels and the conditions in which they had to live but it only served to make her think of Daniel, pull her thoughts to the meek life they could have lived and how happy that would have made her.

Sensing her hesitation, Rumplestiltskin huffed out a heated breath and as quick as a viper, his hands were around her throat cutting off her airway. Her frame reacted now, in a way he expected it to. Panic formed behind those eyes that were glossy and dreamy, muscles pulled taut as she reached for his hand and began to claw at the skin on his hands to no avail — her nails couldn't break his skin. The sheer thought of her thinking that would work caused a dark chuckle to leave his lips as he watched her body slowly go lax as she remembered her past, remembered how to keep calm.

The feeling sent a memory to the surface, a moment when her mother had wrapped the bow that had been around her wait over her nose and mouth — halting her breathing just long enough for Regina to give up her stance in front of the door so that her mother could leave the room. A second memory involved vines that could not be seen and yet they held her high above the ground, tight around her throat and ribs, keeping her from breathing and the. more she struggled — the tighter they became. Instinct kicked in and Regina relaxed her muscles as much as she could and allowed him the upper hand.

"Do you feel that?" He asked as a pink tint had slowly begun darkening on her cheeks, eyes as wide as a doe and yet fearful like a small animal who had been spotted by a wolf. "Use it. Bring this garden to life." The second he let her go, she stumbled forward and lifted her hands out to the courtyard. What happened next sent the imp into a giggling, clapping fit.

The once dead garden slowly began to come to life. From the one shrub she had originally intended on causing to flourish, onto the next and the next. The grass, shrubs, trees, all brightened and budded like a wave as she sent that rage from what her mother had caused her out into the best coping mechanism that she could. "Well done, well done!" He cooed; allowing her this small ounce of praise for a moment when he knew all too well more scolding would be needed to cause any sort of reaction from her. She had yet to make a fireball form in her hand. She had yet to do so many things and not all of them would be as easy as this one seeing as she would become used to it, not able to channel it in a burst every chance.

She turned on the heel of her boots and placed her arms behind her back, a beaming smile spread along her lips. But the second Rumplestiltskin's giddiness left him, so did her smile. "So I did good?"

"Have I not already commented on this?" He asked, turning back to her steed before speaking again. "Going fishing for compliments will only result in being pulled in to the creature infested waters, Regina." Leaving her a moment to think about what he had said, he then added "You would not like it there. It is a lonely place." It was a warning that he would indeed shut her out if she were to think he would become a figure in her life to stroke an ego she did not deserve as of yet. This is his game, not hers.

Regina gave a nod, even if he couldn't see it, and turned to head in the direction of the castle. The doors opened for her as she moved closer, Rumplestiltskin having used his magic to do so before magically placing her horse in his stables where an abundance of hay and the like could be found for the creature.

He followed her into the main landing, wiggling his digits so that the heavy large door closed with a myriad of creeks and a loud bang. Regina did not jump, he noted, happy that she found herself so comfortable in a castle that others had shivered at the sight of. "I believe we will move onto potion mixing, your magic can handle a simple one afte such an exhausting attempt at resurrecting my gardens."

"Attempt? Did I not do it?" She motioned behind her as if he could see through walls.

"Your magic will last but a few minutes before it goes back to it's usual state. A burst like that can only last so long." His voice was a hard line of precision and authority as he moved past her and onto the journey towards the room that held his potions and a careful selection of ingredients. It wasn't by any means his usual station of concocting such things, but Regina did not have to know that.

"Oh." Inwardly she wanted to scold herself for thinking that could have been a good thing, and yet he had indeed given her praise so maybe—just maybe she had made him proud for a second. She couldn't think of why she so desperately sought the praise of any and everyone in her life now that her mother were out of it. Rumplestiltskin had done something no one else had, he believed in her to take control and so that allowed her to do such. Perhaps, with his help — she thought, she could bring Daniel back and be with him for the rest of her days.

However, the fear of not being able to continue with these lessons caused her stomach to clench and churn as if she couldn't imagine a life such as she had dreamed of before — one where her and Daniel could live without such uses of magical element.

When they entered the room, Regina couldn't pull her eyes away from the vision before her. A large stone table sat in the middle of the room with numerous amounts of ingredients such as herbs, bones, feathers and things she couldn't even begin to name as they all looked so ... magical. Hesitant fingertips began to trace along the vials before golden flecked digits closed around her own, pulling them back and away from the contents on the table.

"Be careful, dearie. You wouldn't want to spill something and have it slip into the pores of your skin like the plague.'

"Can something here really do that? Get into my pores, I mean? I've been told that pores are an opening to the body and can be harmful if disease in the air. Some words like those left the practitioners lips only a fortnight ago." Her eyes found his, surprised to see something akin to amusement dancing within them. Often, since she had met the imp, had she wondered on what went on in that head of his. Or if he could sense the weight on her shoulders in her life when she were not here.

"Nonsense." He pushed her hand away, out of his grasp and began to fiddle with the items laid out before him on the table, refusing to make eye contact with the young Queen for now. "You will mix a simple potion for me. One that will turn my tongue red." The notion was hilarious to him even, he hoped it would be to her too. The second a chuckle left her, he could feel the muscles in his jaw tense; wanting to smile and yet he fought it. "This is not a laughing matter, Regina. Mix it wrong and you may rid me of my tongue altogether. Does that sound humorous to you?"

"Oh, oh no. Not in the slightest, Rumplestiltskin. I didn't mean to-" At the wave of his hand, she stopped her apology mid sentence and instead watched as he tapped a finger against a book that lay open near a bowl. Silently instructing her to follow the vague words on the page of how to make such a potion. It would indeed need her magical focus. And so, she set out to do such.

It took only a few minutes for her to concoct the potion, but the magical essence was what had halted her efforts and she gave the vile in her hands a quirk of her brow as she swirled it once more, hoping for a reaction. "I think I'm having trouble with channeling again. I won't turn crimson. All I have is this purple muddled mess."

Rumplestiltskin stepped close behind her, one hand on her waist while the other took held onto the beaker, bringing it up eye level to his apprentice. "Focus. Start here.." The hand on her waist slid around to her tailbone, tapping lightly. "Then..." an inch below her navel, applying just a small amount of pressure. "...now imagine these as a lights, they're off, flick them on. And the higher you go...there's another light, right..." a finger pressed below her rib-cage "here...and..." sliding up to her heart "here.." then moved to her throat "...here.." then between her brows and finally to the top of her head. "Do you understand?"

She had leaned back against him by now, head tilted towards his and eyes on his mouth. For a split second, Regina imagined a moment where he would claim her mouth with his, hold her close and make all of the nonsense stop that surrounded her day to day. But instead, when he leaned in, he spoke — his warm breath fanning out along her wanton lips. "I believe you have exerted yourself. Goodnight, Regina." And with that a plume of purple smoke engulfed her frame.

When it cleared, she found herself within the confines of her bedchamber. It took everything in her to walk over to her bed and fall onto it. Her mind racing with thoughts she couldn't even put into words if she tried. Why had she expected such an act? This, this man, this thing...he was here to help her regain her control not steal her heart from the king or from Daniel. Not that any of them really had a claim to it now — the king didn't seem to want it and Daniel was long dead.

"Tomorrow is another day." She reminded herself, thinking that maybe if she kept trying she could fight the dark voice in her head wanting vengeance for the untimely death of her beloved. And if she could do that, maybe she could convince the king and the kingdom to love her like they do her step daughter. And perhaps do well enough that her master would gladly praise her when needed, he would be proud.

Maybe.


End file.
